Tag Archives: wisdom

10 Life Lessons: “Full Metal Jacket” Edition

I remember when “Full Metal Jacket” came out, but only because it’s one of the rare instances my old man ever took me to the movies. And it certainly wasn’t because I wanted to see the movie (fuck off, I was 13 in July 1987), but the Vietnam era, well, that was dad’s era. And mom, well, she was the horror fan, so there was no way she was going to see this. I came home from somewhere and got drafted (see what I did there?)

I hadn’t lived through a war, not yet, as I was born at the tail end of Vietnam. But, just under four years later, Bush would invade Iraq in response to Hussein’s invasion of Kuwait. We were in Walmart, I believe (though it could have been any number of retail stores), when the airstrikes started. Got to watch that shit on a large bank of big ass televisions. Scary stuff for a kid who was a junior in high school and would be registering for the draft in about 18 months. Needless to say, I started devouring war movies from that point forward. War is hell, and I hope my children never have to fight in one.


10) “If God would have wanted you up there, he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn’t he?”

09) “I wouldn’t shit you, you’re my favorite turd.”

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08) “You’d better flush out your head, new guy. This isn’t about freedom; this is a slaughter.”

07) “My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams and Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy. I am so happy I am alive, in one piece, and short. I am in a world of shit, yes, but I am alive. And I am not afraid.”

06) “We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside every gook there is an American trying to get out.”

05) “You goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I’m going to stomp your guts out. Now you do love the Virgin Mary, don’t you?”

04) “I am in a world of shit.”

03) “You’d better get your head and your ass wired together or I will take a giant shit on you.”

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02) “In other words, it’s a huge shit sandwich and we’re all going to have to take a bite.”

01) “The dead know only one thing; it is better to be alive.”

10 Life Lessons: “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” Edition

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” is probably my all-time favorite movie. Ever. So much so that I named my dog R.P. McMurphy because he’s a crazy, lovable fucker just like Nicholson’s character.

Also, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to throttle a fictional character so much as I did Nurse Ratched. I literally stood up the first time I watched McMurphy try and choke that cunt to death. Man, yeah, I wanted to watch her head pop off like a zit!

There are so many life lessons in this flick, it’s hard to choose just ten. But I managed and I think you Brownies will appreciate them. And if you don’t, we’re probably not friends. Not really.


10) “The best thing we can do is go on with our daily routine.”

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09) “It’s medication time.”

08) “I’m a goddamn marvel of modern science.”

07) “Get out of my way, son, you’re using my oxygen.”

06) “Rules? Piss on your fucking rules!”

05) “You oughta be out in a convertible bird doggin’ chicks and bangin’ beaver.”

04) “If Mr. McMurphy doesn’t want to take his medication orally, I’m sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way.”

03) “You’re no crazier than the average asshole out walking around on the street and that’s it.”

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02) “But I tried, didn’t I? Goddammit, at least I did that.”

01) “I’m not saying they killed him. They just worked on him. The way they’re working on you.”

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