World Teacher Day


Yes, that was all in caps. Yes, I’m shouting on the internet. Why? Because teachers are fucking awesome, that’s why.

How do I know this?

Well, you see, back in early 2002, I had unprotected sex with my wife. Since I’ve been to school and had teachers who taught me shit, I knew this might result in what’s commonly called a pregnancy. Guess what? It did. And we had a kid. Several years after that, this time in 2009, the wife and I had unprotected sex again. Relying on my prior knowledge and world experience, I wasn’t a bit surprised when this resulted in another pregnancy and another kid. So, if you’re doing the math (which, if you are, THANK A FUCKING TEACHER) I have a (almost) thirteen year old and a (almost) six year old. The eldest is in middle school (7th grade this year) and the youngest is in kindergarten.

Guess what else?

My kids are demons. They’re sarcastic, bull-headed, and willful. They’ll give you a hug one minute and slide a dagger into your spleen the next. I raised them; I know these are facts. I’ve stitched up many a knife wound.

teacherBased on that alone, any teacher that deals with my kids is a fucking saint. The patience needed to put up with that many little people is astounding, and I salute them. But more than that, they’re doing what I can’t do with my kids. And they’re doing it with your kids, your neighbors kids, yes, with all the kids. They’re teaching them things. They inspire our children to be better people, probably better people than we do. Our kids, no matter how careful you are, see us at our best and our worst. They see us happy and sad, sick and in good health, pissed off and rude. I know that’s confusing to kids, because one minute you’re the best dad ever and the next, well, you’re worst dad ever. We’ve all won that award… the BEST WORST PARENT EVER! But, not their teachers… man, those folks are, 99% of the time, smiling, encouraging, and just spectacular.

And don’t get me started on their pay. Let’s put it this way… the average salary for a public school teacher here in Ohio is about $58,000.00 per year (statistics appear to be from 2013). That’s more than I make in my corporate job, where my main focus is to make the company more money so it can grow and pay the CEO and shareholders more money, and I still think teachers are underpaid. You may disagree (and if you do, I personally think you can have a tall glass of go fuck yourself), I just can’t see how.

Teachers are excellent people. Treat them well. Give them gifts when appropriate, give them thanks always, and when they bring a problem to you, for fuck’s sake, listen before you judge. Your kid isn’t perfect, you know. He or she has the potential to be an asshole, just like the rest of us, and it may just be that he or she was.

Lastly, a shout out to the teachers that I know personally…

Aleca Karagiorge Bryan, Paul Anderson, Angi Rider, Miranda Wallace, Mrs. Myers, Mrs. Stockberger, Mr. Evans, Mr. Berra, Mrs. Eggemeyer, and so many more.

You are all heroes.

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