Tag Archives: penis

Batman v Superman v Deadpool…

No, that’s not a typo. They all did battle last weekend for my coveted attention, though that’s not even really true, either. I guess what I’m trying to say is last weekend was super for me. Took my boys to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and then the eldest to see Deadpool. And there aren’t any spoilers in the post, so don’t be afraid to read.

And unless he used a body double, I got to see glimpses of R.R.’s penis. Even if Deadpool had sucked, that was worth the price of admission. But Deadpool didn’t suck, and that’s a good thing. But what I really want to talk about isn’t Ryan Reynolds’ penis (though we certainly could), but Batman v Superman, and the extreme vitriol it’s getting.

I’m almost sure people saw a different movie than I did. Sure, it wasn’t RDJ being a snarky fuckitall, and it wasn’t as bright and bullshitty as a Marvel movie, but it wasn’t this pile of stinking shit people are making it out to be.

Was it a perfect movie? No, not by any means. Snyder dropped the character ball a few times in favor of big scenes and epic battles, but if I remember correctly, Ultron picked up an entire country with the intention of killing us all. And where’s the character development in that movie? There wasn’t much, not when you break down the nuggets. I think the MCU is just too established at this point, and that comparing the MCU to the DCU is frivolous. They’re different beasts.

I prefer the darkness that the DCU is going with. While I have steadfast, if stupid, hope that us humans will be better to each other, the cynic in me knows hope won’t buy me anything. The questions raised in BvS–man v god; do we regulate heroism (good deeds, such as giving out food to the homeless) and if so, how much; is absolute power corruptible; do we act preemptively or wait; why do we fear what’s different? There’s more, many more, that I can list, but BvS brings the deep thoughts. As I stated earlier, Snyder drops the character ball with all these questions and some of them don’t get satisfactory answers. This certainly lessens Batman v Superman’s impact in my opinion. I mean, if you want spectacle, you’ve already seen Ultron pick up a damn country, New York trashed, Chicago destroyed. Spectacles are a dime a dozen now, but no less entertaining.

But hey, that’s what more movies are for, right? To continue these characters and answer these questions. But honestly, I like the fact that they’re at least asking the questions, trying to make these superheroes answer for what they do. Hell, even the Transformers movies had the foresight to be like, “You destroyed Chicago, so fuck you, giant robots.”

In that vein, it looks like Captain America: Civil War might be a turn for the MCU, since it’s all about registration. Incidentally, this mutant registration is something the X-Men universe deals with constantly and is quite the motivator for Magneto. I’ve always preferred the X-Men movies to the greater MCU, too. No wonder, I’m sure.

Oh, and as a side note here, Ben Affleck is the best Batman. Hands down, he beats them all. He’s perfect as a bitter Bruce Wayne, and he’s not a small guy, so you can imagine him as Batman, too. They address the Batman “voice” (thank the fucking maker, cuz just the preview for it had me pissed off) and I can’t wait to see what they do with him going forward. The Dark Knight is, by far, the best part of the movie. But that was to be expected. I mean, Superman isn’t even human.

Personally, I’m looking forward to more DCU movies, starting with Suicide Squad in August. Wonder Woman follows next year, along with the first part of Justice League.

And for the curious among you, Wonder Woman was fantastic throughout, despite only being in it for maybe fifteen minutes. I can’t wait to see what the stand-alone movie brings to the table for her, and I’ll just leave it at that. If you’re a WW fan, the $8.00 for a ticket is worth it, because at the very least you get the aforementioned spectacle. I also didn’t think Eisenberg’s performance of Lex Luthor was as horrible as people say. Was it different? Yeah, you bet, but Eisenberg is a handy little actor and if you go with it, with the character’s younger age, and the way the world is, I think you can see the merit in his portrayal. You have to get the older Lex out of your head; this ain’t that character.

Sound off, Brownies, if you’ve seen Batman v Superman. What did you think?

 

Let’s talk about that Hasbro penis…

hasbropenisAnd by talk, I actually mean ask what in the actual fuck is going on with this thing? And that questions is for both parents and Hasbro.

I don’t know, it certainly looks like a penis, one ribbed for pleasure, but I have to ask myself what parent worries about that when giving age-appropriate toys to their kids? Seriously, let’s talk like adults for a minute … I open this package for my five year old and I see this “extractor” (hey, at least they didn’t call it the intruder), my first thought isn’t, “Oh my God, Billy’s going to think this is a dick! I must complain and rant and rave about phallic symbols masquerading as children’s toys!”

No. I may think it looks like a dick, and I’d probably snicker and make rude gestures with it at my wife when the kid isn’t looking, but I’m not too concerned he’s going to connect the dots that this giant toy resembles a penis. Just like when he brings me “The Little Mermaid,” it’s not because he’s looking at the cover going, “Daddy, daddy, look … it’s a dick!”

People, your kids don’t care. And frankly, unless the dick is an actual dick and it’s doing something perverted that a young child shouldn’t see, why make a huge deal out of it? Cuz you know, now, every pre-teen and teen with a smartphone, tablet, or iPod knows you’re ridiculous and you think this thing looks like a cock, when, usually, they wouldn’t give Play-Doh a second glance. Well played, mom and dad, well played.

Or what I really want to say is, “For a society that abhors sex more than anything you people see dicks and pussies everywhere!” Repressed much?

And Hasbro, let’s face it, it’s called QUALITY CONTROL. Get some.