Tag Archives: depression

It’s Not a Tumor

A while back I promised to post more this year on this website. The website, one of those things that’s supposed to be an author’s connection to readers and the world at large, the one place he’s supposed to go to be seen.

I’ve mostly failed in my endeavor to post more. Partially because I’ve failed to write more like I intended. Oh sure, I’ve done some writing… some outlining… some editing… I joined a new writing group in the place I moved, I’ve started the process of working on a serial project, but none of it has helped to overcome the malaise I feel when I put the pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, depending on my mood).

Hell, Brownies, I’ve even got a few pieces lined up to be released:

  • An episode of The Lift…
  • A flash piece in the Halloween episode of The Wicked Library…
  • Another piece for a Chrstimas thing…
  • A story that may see the light of day in a new thing called Agitate…

So, I’m producing. I’m doing… things. Just… none of it feels like enough. None of it feels good enough, like I’ve lost a step or two. And that’s probably true. When one doesn’t practice one’s art, one starts to lose one’s edge.

It’s not imposter syndrome, as some of my fellow writers are probably thinking. While I certainly don’t think my work is good, or good enough, that’s just my way of always trying to improve. I don’t feel like a fraud, like my work shouldn’t be out there (as a friend likes to say and I don’t necessarily agree with… TWO CAKES), I just don’t see the point.

Like, we write for ourselves, yes, totally. We write because we love it. Again, yes, totally. But we also write because, ultimately, we want to share. Our opinions and our worldviews and we do that through our stories. And if we no longer care to share those stories because we can’t get over the hangups we’ve either been steered into or created, then what are we?

I’m not sure.

But whatever that is, it’s what I am.

To all my creatives doing their thing this weekend (and I know there are a lot of you): get after it.

Ugh, depression.

This blog post by Wil Wheaton, so much fucking this.

I decided, when I purchased my own web setup and the headache that went along with it, that I wasn’t just going to stick to writing topics on the blog. I’m still not going to get too political or religious here (though some stuff will definitely pop up) and Wil’s post about depression is pretty accurate for me.

Depression is deadly and it’s different for all of us. I don’t lie in bed all day because I can’t, but some people do. I don’t consider suicide, but some people do. Depression gets us where it really hurts, because it uses our worst fears against us. I mean, c’mon, it sends me to corporate fucking America, but bottles up my writing quite a bit. That’s a bastard I ever did know one.

Help yourself, if you can, just by recognizing and admitting it.
Help others, if you can, by sharing, smiling, giving a kind word.

We’re all in this together.