Let’s talk about that Hasbro penis…

hasbropenisAnd by talk, I actually mean ask what in the actual fuck is going on with this thing? And that questions is for both parents and Hasbro.

I don’t know, it certainly looks like a penis, one ribbed for pleasure, but I have to ask myself what parent worries about that when giving age-appropriate toys to their kids? Seriously, let’s talk like adults for a minute … I open this package for my five year old and I see this “extractor” (hey, at least they didn’t call it the intruder), my first thought isn’t, “Oh my God, Billy’s going to think this is a dick! I must complain and rant and rave about phallic symbols masquerading as children’s toys!”

No. I may think it looks like a dick, and I’d probably snicker and make rude gestures with it at my wife when the kid isn’t looking, but I’m not too concerned he’s going to connect the dots that this giant toy resembles a penis. Just like when he brings me “The Little Mermaid,” it’s not because he’s looking at the cover going, “Daddy, daddy, look … it’s a dick!”

People, your kids don’t care. And frankly, unless the dick is an actual dick and it’s doing something perverted that a young child shouldn’t see, why make a huge deal out of it? Cuz you know, now, every pre-teen and teen with a smartphone, tablet, or iPod knows you’re ridiculous and you think this thing looks like a cock, when, usually, they wouldn’t give Play-Doh a second glance. Well played, mom and dad, well played.

Or what I really want to say is, “For a society that abhors sex more than anything you people see dicks and pussies everywhere!” Repressed much?

And Hasbro, let’s face it, it’s called QUALITY CONTROL. Get some.

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