10 Life Lessons: “Lake Placid” Edition

The wife and I saw Lake Placid in the theatre when it released. A rare thing, that, insofar as she’s not a horror movie fan and it’s hard for me to get her to spend money on them. I can spend money on them, but it’s a waste for her to do so. Case in point, that shitty 2009 Friday the 13th remake… she spent the whole movie under my coat. No, not that… gutter minds… but sobbing.

But Lake Placid differed due to its comedic flair. It’s one of the funniest comedy/horror (as opposed to horror/comedy) movies I’ve ever seen. Best part of Lake Placid? Betty White playing against type as the irascible Mrs. Bickerman. Many life lessons come from her mouth to your eyes today… so here you go. You’re welcome.


10) “Maybe I should just wipe myself with some leafy little piece of poison oak. And then I can spend the whole day scratchin’ my ass, blendin’ in with the natives.”

09) “Oh, hey Kevin! What’s going on? What’s happening? How’s it goin’? How’s your family? Good? That’s great, it’s so nice to see you. Fuck off.”

08) “You got to fire your big gun. Did it meet your expectations?”

07) “If I had a dick, this is where I’d tell you to suck it!”

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06) “Look, if you call me “ma’am” one more time I’ll sue you, and with today’s laws, it’s possible.”

05) “You’re all cocksuckers! I knew it first, I just didn’t want to say it!”

04) “Then the neighborhood kids came by, saw my severed head lying on the ground and started a game of kickball, and as I was being kicked around, I actually just felt grateful for being allowed in the game…”

03) “Thank you, it’s so rewarding to imagine my tax dollar finding its way to you, you fuckshit!”

02) “Murders and rapes in the city, people bomb planes, can the police stop ’em? No! But feed one little cow to a crocodile…”

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01) “Well, they conceal information like that in books.”

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