Is “Die Hard” a Christmas movie? According to most people I know, it most certainly is. It’s set on Christmas Eve and it’s really about family, right? John and Holly realizing their love for each other and their family is what’s important. So yeah, holiday spirit and machine guns. Ho. Ho. Ho.
I’m doing Die Hard this week for two reasons … the first is that I had a spirited conversation driving back from Kentucky about this movie and its Christmas implications and the second is a story.
Die Hard released in the summer of 1988. July, I think, as I remember jokes about ‘Christmas in July’ and the like. Anyhoo, in the summer of 1988 I was but a mere lad of 13 (I wouldn’t be 14 until the end of summer). I was gearing up to be a freshman in high school, and we’d just been introduced to the PG-13 Rating a few years prior and it was still a fairly new rating system for movies. My mom tried to buy tickets for me and a friend to see Die Hard, and the ticket lady promptly told my mom no. The only way we were seeing that movie was if my mom attended as well. My mom had a few choice words for the lady and it was when I realized that Mom (and by association) and Dad couldn’t do everything. Without Die Hard on the docket, we ended up seeing “Willow” instead, which was a damn fine movie as well.
Enjoy these ten “Yippie ki yay, motherfucker” life lessons from Hans, McClane, Ms. Gennaro, and the Nakatomi Corporation.
10) “All right, listen up guys. ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except… the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.”
09) “If this is their idea of Christmas, I gotta be here for New Year’s.”
08) “You throw quite a party. I didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.”
07) “Hey babe, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.”
06) “Authorization? How about the United States FUCKING government? Lose the grid, or you lose your job.”
05) “I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask.”
04) “You didn’t bring me along for my charming personality.”
03) “Now, you listen to me, jerk-off, if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem. Quit being a part of the fucking problem and put the other guy back on!”
02) “Who said we were terrorists?”
01) “It’s Christmas, Theo. It’s the time of miracles. So be of good cheer …”